Sometimes I wonder why I do things like this. Things like taking 3 squabbling children into the wilderness. . . To hike . . . And camp . . . Alone. Justin was on a business trip, I had the days off, and frankly, I wanted to go. 2 out of the 3 kids enjoys camping, and that is enough motivation for me to drag each one of them along in my deep-seeded desire for adventure. However, about 100 feet into our hike I was already evaluating my sanity. Mostly when we passed by the sign informing us that we were in “bear country.” Good thing I brought the dog.
Then the kids began bickering. Nothing crazy. No all-and-out brawl. Just that low-grade, get-on-your-nerves kind of fighting that drives every parent crazy. And if I am being honest, it lasted the entire trip. All these gorgeous photos of smiling children in a pristine wilderness were just the magical in-between moments of a group of siblings dealing with the frustrations of exhaustion, hunger, and mosquitoes.
In that moment, I contemplated why I choose to do these kinds of things. It certainly isn’t the first time I have done something that most people think is more work than it is worth.
I think it has to do with the value of doing hard things.
This week was a hard week for me. It was my 4th child’s birthday. Unfortunately, her birthday is also the anniversary of her death. Of all the things I have done in my life, birthing Hope was most definitely the hardest. Her death defined me in a way I never wanted. And, it left me in a place that I never thought I would be: utterly broken and struggling to see my worth. It has been 8 long years, and I can finally say that I am starting to come through.
I didn’t choose to do this hard thing, it was forced upon me. And rather than make me a stronger person, there were so many days that I thought it would break me. A few days when it almost did. But as I continue to walk through this process, I can see the ways that it continues to shape me (is some good ways, and some not-so-good ways). I see how it has changed me. How it has made my marriage stronger. How it has made my family stronger. How it has hopefully made me stronger.
I think that might be why I like to do hard things. Especially with my children. Proverbs says that “iron sharpens iron” and that we each help to strengthen one another as we journey through life. Perhaps by pulling my kids into these challenging situations I am helping them build the skills they may need for their own forced moment. For that time in life when they have to face their own hard thing.
The trip may not have been perfect. But in the end, as we headed back to the car, I could see the pride and accomplishment on each of their faces. They did a hard thing, and they made it through. That is no small feat.
